Today, I want to write to you about a sensitive topic, but one that needs to be addressed in a gentle yet firm manner: body shaming.
Throughout our lives, each of us has probably encountered remarks and criticisms about how we look, that is, about our physical appearance.
I remember that during my pregnancy, I gained about 20 kg that I couldn’t lose immediately after giving birth. It took me almost two years to return to my pre-pregnancy weight.
Well, let’s just say it took a lot of effort to lose weight, and some people would remind me that I was chubby with comments like, “Don’t you think you need to lose weight? Now you have no excuse since you’re not pregnant anymore” or “Get moving to shed those extra kilos.”
There was no need for such remarks and comments because I knew how much weight I had gained; I had a scale, and I used it often.
After I lost the weight, the comments shifted to things like “Goodness, you’re so skinny!” “Don’t lose any more weight, you’ll look ugly!” “Wow, you’re so skinny!”
In the end, I managed to shed the extra kilos, but somehow those remarks and comments have stayed etched in my mind, and I’ve inevitably noticed that this phenomenon, known as body shaming, happens to many people, not just me.
So, what exactly is body shaming? In short, it’s the criticism or blaming of someone for their physical appearance or any other physical trait. We are talking about body shaming when we mock, criticize, embarrass, humiliate, or offend someone because they have visible disabilities (for example, different diseases that affect their physical appearance); the deformation or transformation of the body postpartum during pregnancy; changes that come with age (for example, wrinkles, graying hair, baldness in men); excessive body hair; glasses; the size and firmness of certain parts of the body (for example, breasts, abdomen, thighs); or muscle mass (for example, too little or too much).
In Western countries, the most common form of body shaming is fat shaming, which means humiliating overweight people (whether assumed or real). Therefore, obesity is highly stigmatized, which is interesting because extra weight used to symbolize wealth, health, and fertility until the early 1900s.
However, many things can change in a century, especially due to the media, which has unfortunately had the power to (de)form the body of women and the image of what it should look like. I don’t want to go into more detail, as there are hundreds of studies showing a close link between body image, eating disorders, depression, and anxiety.
Let’s get back to body shaming.
Body shaming manifests in several ways:
- Criticizing your own appearance by making a judgment or comparison to someone else. (For example: “I’m so ugly compared to her.” or “Look how small my breasts are.”)
- Criticizing someone else’s appearance in front of multiple people (for example: “Who has legs like that shouldn’t wear skirts at all.”)
- Criticizing someone else’s appearance without their knowledge – that’s gossiping (for example: “Did you see how those glasses look on Ana? They look like jar bottoms.” “Wow, Elena is so fat, she should only eat yogurt for three months!” etc.)
The consequences of body shaming are very important because they are closely related to self-image and, consequently, self-esteem. Here, I want to pause and mention that there is a difference between self-image and self-esteem, which Deepak Chopra clarifies very simply: “Don’t confuse your image with your Self – self-image is what others think of you, and your Self (esteem) is what you think of yourself.”
Why is it important to differentiate self-esteem from self-image when it comes to body shaming? Simple, because being the victim of body shaming, we may have a high self-image but at the same time low self-esteem, which, from a psychological point of view, is not at all healthy or beneficial.
Another serious consequence, in addition to low self-esteem, can be depression, anxiety, substance abuse such as alcohol, drugs, etc., and eating disorders (for example, anorexia or bulimia).
How we look, our physical appearance, is to some extent determined by us – and here I refer to those characteristics and traits we were born with, which we inherited (body shape, height, size of some body parts, skin tone, even weight) and we can’t do much to change them without invasive and drastic interventions (plastic surgery, cosmetic procedures, etc.).
In other cases – such as the clothing, footwear, and accessories chosen – tastes are personal choices influenced by many external factors (for example, fashion, financial situation -> I’d buy different glasses but I can’t afford them) and internal factors (what preferences I have, what the purpose is, why I wear what I wear, what thoughts, beliefs, and emotions I have about what I choose to wear -> I refuse to wear natural fur, leather because I disagree with killing animals, etc.).
Judging and criticizing someone for how they look is a lack of respect, empathy, and acceptance, demonstrating a rigid mindset full of judgments. No one will ever be perfect, neither me nor you, and when we understand that, we will stop judging and forcing our views and beliefs onto others.
Until then, I encourage you to smile when you feel like making a remark about someone’s physical appearance, and you’ll see that time and repetition are masters: eventually, you’ll just smile without noticing what that person looks like.
I urge you to discourage body shaming by asking the person to stop and drawing their attention to the fact that what they are doing is neither good nor healthy.
I want you to know that you are wonderful, magical, unique, and authentic just the way you are.
